I used to think that I was “supreme” because I was caucasian.
I used to think that being “white” was really something special.
I used to think that skin tone was priority.
I used to think that I was better than people who looked different than me.
I was young and naive.
I was vulnerable.
I was scared.
I was alone.
I was trusting.
I was starving for knowledge.
I was dying to be a part of something bigger than myself.
I was noticed.
Like a spotter for the sniper, the “Skins” took me to the “Aryans”.
Like a child without a father, the little boy in me took to the comraderie.
Like a puppet, I regurgitated with precision to the others like me.
Like a true predator, I warped their minds with my rhetoric and statistics.
I was manipulated.
I was lied to.
I was used.
I was now one of them.
I was “proud”.
I was “supreme”.
I was “WHITE”.
I was confused.
I had curly brown hair.
I had dark brown eyes.
I had nothing in common.
I had nothing to be proud of.
I began to notice a lot.
I began to ask questions.
I began to read more than the books I was told to.
I began to learn the truth about the things I was to be “proud” of.
I stopped reciting what I read.
I stopped reading what I was told.
I stopped receiving favors.
I stopped having “friends”.
I started seeing truth.
I started seeing lies.
I started seeing myself.
I started seeing what I was inside.
The only color that mattered to them was “white”.
The only color that mattered to the State was khaki.
The only color that mattered in prison, period, was green.
The only color I saw was red.
Over the years I became bitter.
over the time I wasted,
over my skin color and now I am finally,
over that bridge.
I made enemies.
I made friends.
I made friends with former enemies.
I made peace.
I got over it.
I got out.
I got put back in a few times and
I got back out.
Every time, the lines were drawn.
Every time, the division was obvious.
Every time, the racial tension was present.
Every time, the facility was in control of us as we hated each other.
I used to believe racism was a “cancer”.
I used to believe it was like a virus I caught.
I used to believe I was infected.
I used to believe it was something I could cure, over time.
Now, I’d say it is like heroin.
Now, I’d say it is an addiction.
Now, I’d say I got high from the “pride”.
Now, I’d say I take it “one day at a time”.
I would not say I am “in remission” and
I would not say I am “cured” but
I would not say I am “contagious” because
I would not say what they want me to.
Today, I would tell you that the division is to allow control.
Today, I would tell you that the need for control is because of fear.
Today, I would tell you the fear arises out of ignorance.
Today, I would tell you that ignorance comes from pride.