My coowner is taking a short break from this.. will be back soon
I didn’t have “social problems” before I spent 8 collective years in various institutions, where “gifts” were “Trafficking” and “hand shakes” were “Gang Activity” simply because I was inside of a building.
I didn’t have “sensory deprivation disorder” until I spent 4 collective years in solitary confinement, reading for 18 hours a day to block out the screams of mentally ill inmates left untreated, the tactically adjusted heating/airconditioning, strategically scheduled 4am “shake downs” and 24/7 flickering flourescent lights.
I didn’t start to misunderstand the “social cues” that make the average person lie, cheat and steal to further their personal agenda based upon the morals they were taught but know are wrong until I was paid to commit acts of violence by “Correctional Officers more often than I was by the so-called “Violent Criminals”.
I didnt have issues with “motive discernment” until I was told I was “too concerned” about what the institutions were doing, even if was illegal when I did it and I had memorized every “rulebook” Ive ever read and knew for a fact that it was against the institutional rules, when I did it.
I didn’t have “issues with physical contact” until I was stripped search, patted down and patted down again, multiple times a day.
I didn’t have a “strict, rigid routine” I would have “meltdowns” over until my urinary functions, sleep habits, meal times, leisure time, hygienic practices and clothing style were regulated and restricted and deviation from the protocol was “punishable”.
I didn’t have “limited interests” until I was restricted to learning about “approved subjects”.
I didn’t have “issues with communication” until my voice was unheard.
So, I’ll say it again.
Vaccines did NOT cause my fucking Autism.
Why have we let get it this far??? People only listen to the political side of things while they grow on hellywood… same side of the coin
There are so many subliminal messages that have been implemented by the ‘media’
Frequencies are apart of the brainwashing… algorithms are how you program your phones.. 😉
Maybe, there is “intelligent life”, elsewhere.
Maybe, this whole spinning rock is filled with criminals/rejects, from the rest of the universe.
Maybe, thats why they dont communicate with us, and WE describe THEM as “intelligent life”.
Maybe, thats why we kill each other.
Maybe, thats why we set out from 9-5 or 11-7 to rob, cheat and steal from each other with things we call “charm” and “working on our presentation”.
Even the highest pedestal of society, the Almighty J.O.B., is often built upon a foundation of deception and manipulation (encouraged by our peers) known as an “interview” where we “sell ourselves” with flashy clothes and carefully worded statements, meticulously omitting our weaknesses and faults, while inflating our worth… in “man hours”.
We all just want a better “work detail” in the prison.
More oppourtunities to hustle the other inmates.
Less attention on our wrongdoings.
Dreaming of escape or release dates.
Regretting our pasts but dreading our futures.
Until we can no longer protect our 8×10 and are transferred to the infirmary.
What lie we all live.
A box inside of a box inside of a box inside of a box inside of a…
“Stange how we decorate pain.” – Margaret Atwood
I am often afraid.
Though I am more violent in thinking than I was yesterday.
More angry at the world than the day prior.
More aggressive toward others with each passing second.
I am, honestly, terrified.
I am afraid that there are so many lines drawn, so many differences noticed, I cannot point out the similarities.
Another “black man shot by police”.
Another “autistic man shot by police”.
Another… …shot by police.
I am afraid that there is not a “meme” or post witty enough to make this world a peaceful place to live in.
I am afraid that custom and comfort will allow me and others like me to suffer.
Another “Leader” of the “Free” world.
I am afraid of weak individuals gathering in groups to seek out weaker individuals to harm.
I am afraid of good people doing nothing. Saying nothing.
Another “War on…”.
I am afraid of the people around me because I have watched them advocate for everything I see wrong in the world.
I am afraid that, one day, I will be in the crosshairs.
Another thing to avoid.
Another person can ever be trusted.
I am afraid that, though “Society” has, for 31 years, claimed to advocate for people like me, the labels bestowed upon me have brought only grief and suffering.
Another apathetic John Q. Public.
I am afraid of what comes after the current desensitization and social engineering aimed at the populace in regards to “Asperger’s”.
I am afraid that it will, eventually, be acceptable to cause me harm.
I am afraid for others.
I am afraid they may think I am…
Another “Whipping Boy”.
I am afraid not.
It almost happened.
“Society” almost noticed that four humans sought to attack, as a group, someone, in which, the same “Society” has volunteered to “protect”.
I say that “Society” has “volunteered” to “protect” this man in Chicago because, well, the same “Society” has deemed individuals of certain characteristics unable to “care for” themselves.
When you claim the “Right” to deem someone “weaker” or “endangered”/”at risk”, you volunteer for the “Responisbility” of “caring for” said individual.
These “unwritten laws” are part of the “civilized” rhetoric we ‘Muricans pride ourselves upon.
Yet, all I can see my fellow countrymen upset about is…black and white.
“What if he were black and it were four whites? Huh, what then?!?!”
It almost got past “Racial Differences”.
Now there is an airport in Florida on my “Sanyo” screen.
As I sit here, reflecting upon the many things I could mention in these ramblings, I think of an NPR program discussing “Bionic Eyes” and “Cochlear Implants” to help “Disabled” people.
You can probably get some sort of funding for just about anything if you claim it will be for “helping the Disabled/Handicapped”.
I think of the heartstrings it will pull when coupled with the word “Veterans”.
Such a powerful card to play when seeking approval from “Society”.
You see, “Society” must concede to the doings and happenings that their tax dollars are spent upon through by proxy purchases by the government through various colleges and such.
We call this “Public Approval Ratings”.
I know, as many do, that these things will rarely make it to those who need them most because they have been left behind and “cannot afford” these “advancements in technology”.
Uncle Sam will always have dibs.
We call this “National Security”.
“Bionic Eyes” will not be given to a blind girl in Oklahoma, but rather to a mercenary in Israel, likely on the business end of some sort of “Human/Machine Interface” built by D.A.R.P.A.
We all know this.
We just don’t discuss it.
We call this “Politics and Religion.”
Exit stage left.
Immediately my mind leaps to how useless it is , in my opinion, for everyone doing the mathematics on empty houses and homeless “Veterans” and sitting their with their confusion.
“How could they be homeless? It’s those banksters fault!”
I’ll give you a hint.
Deep down, we know they’re a bunch of government paid psychopaths fighting for no one’s freedom but we can’t do anything about it. Well, except shun them and give them 50% off coffee…while they are in uniform… on “Veterans Day”.
Kind of like leaving your “Server” a penny for a tip.
“I didn’t forget, you just suck.”
This I understand.
I know why, “We”, as a “Society”, treat our personal hitmen like garbage.
Somthing in our subconscious just won’t allow us to do more beyond a “Medium, Black.” at McD’s.
We do not seek to create conflict with these people, though.
We understand, some of them are dangerous.
This used to apply to “Special Needs” people.
You didn’t mess with that “Handicapped Kid” in 5th grade because he would break your arm if he got ahold of it.
However, aside from the fact that he is being deemed “Special Needs” and this is supposed to be the same as not attacking old women and children, most are silent beyond their strong opinion that somehow, it would be okay if there were less melanin involved.
However, there is no time to discuss this now, or likely, ever.
Florida is “Trending”.
Compartmentalization: Alternating among multiple, inconsistent concepts with little or no attempt to recognize or reconcile the inconsistencies.
I turned 18 in May of 2003.
I was then, transformed from the “child” I was the day prior, into a “man”.
I was now an “adult”.
I was to go out into the world with my “savings” (that the group home I lived in had felt I was too “immature” to have in my possession… yesterday) and “be a grownup”.
Until this “milestone” day, I was “cared for” and “brought up” by my grandmother, a prescription opiate addict, and my mother, whom is diagnosed with “Disassociative Identity Disorder”.
When my grandmother died at 13, I was sent to live with, whomever could be approved in court. Bouncing from family member to family member until “Nobody wants you, Chris.” (-Karen Koerber/Barnes, Juvenile Probation Officer, Kokomo Indiana), I was sent to “R.T.C. Resource, Residential Treatment Center” in Plainfield, Indiana.
I was “court ordered” to “do therapy” as well as “take medication”.
Apparently, my mother trying to murder me when her other personality thought I was my father took some sort of toll on me mentally and I was “ordered” to discuss it.
If I took the medication(s), I was asleep within 30 mins.
If I slept through “therapy”, I was “refusing to participate”.
If I refused the “medication”, to stay awake, I was “refusing medication”.
Either, was a violation of the “court order” and the “institutional rules”.
Needless to say, I gained about 80 lbs and I “failed” the “program”.
When the “staff” tired of “5 point restraints” and overdosing me on antipsychotics (just about anything you’ve seen a “Class Action Settlement Suit” commercial for)
I was then sent to “Indiana Boys School”.
After 2 years of watching 100’s of angry, violent, masturbating youth try to kill each other because, well, it’s sort of all we were allowed to do. (“DeadMouth” Facility/No Talking Ever), I obtained a “G.E.D.” Diploma.
I was “6 months shy of” 18 and… apparently… with a “G.E.D.” in hand, was “rehabilitated”.
I was then sent to “George Junior Republic” Group Home in Gas City, Indiana.
After 6 months of working at “Taco Bell” and having my money “held” “for me” they gave it all to me in an envelope and dropped me off at my new apartment.
The point of all this is, never once did you read about the outcome of my choices.
You didn’t read where I went wrong.
That didn’t happen, obviously, until I was of age to be “imprisoned” and told that I must “Stop blaming everything on others.”
I do not believe I had a choice in my “upbringing”.
I was a “child” and no one listened to me.
Now, I am told my entire life has been due to my choices.
I did not even understand much of my youth until now.
Most of it I am still perplexed about.
However, I know that I am held responsible for it.
All of it.
All 31 years to date.
From the moment I arrived on this shitty spinning rock, I’ve lived in some sort of world where I am a social experiment and then punished for the unexpected results.
Sure the rat is ugly now. How did he sign a waiver for your shampoo experiment?
I’m afraid what I would wish to inflict upon the world if I ever took any of this “control” I am told I have.
Society has yet to pay it’s debt to me,
a man, who understands only, the “barter system”.